Storm

It is the lull between two storms here in Auckland. We have had howling winds and sideways rain with boats washed up on rocks and branches and debris everywhere. I have been housebound for a good part of the last 48 hours. It was my last week of holiday while my son was at his father’s.

Instead of railing against the forces of nature, I decided to put the time indoors to good use. I have done some more unpacking, finished buying stationery for Jacob’s new school year, set up art supplies and rigged up the iPod and Apple TV between them to watch normal TV. I started working on the rental accounts for this financial year and have been meticulous about keeping a log of mileage.

More and more, I am finding that although I miss the companionship a relationship brings, I am very happy on my own. I still remember the enormous pain my last foray into dating brought me and I am in no hurry to let someone in that up close and personal any time soon. The idea of sharing my small double bed with anyone is practically abhorrent. It is 4.30 am on Saturday and I am up with my coffee writing, because I feel like it. On Sunday, I might go to Waiheke Island for the day and have lunch with a friend. I so wanted to play house with someone for so long that I had never quite appreciated what it was like to enjoy myself on my own. To not have my own happiness held hostage by someone else’s whims and fancies is pure bliss.

I am totally and utterly debt free, living in a beautiful location and I am slowly regaining my health. I have space to meditate, practice yoga, read, draw/colour, play music, cook or simply gaze out at the ocean whenever I feel like it.

Outside, another monster storm might be brewing, but for now the storm that has raged in my life seems to have passed. And knowing this calm too shall pass, I shall try to enjoy it.

 

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