10 Years

Yesterday was 10 years to the day since my son’s dad announced he wanted out of the marriage. We were on holiday in the Genting Highlands in Malaysia when he decided to drop the bombshell. The pain has long since faded, but the impact on my life continues. I have had two relationships in the time since, but neither had the potential to be long term.

My last relationship lasted a couple of weeks shy of a year. It had huge ups and downs, but the love I felt was real and now so is the pain. I put everything I had into trying to make it work. I know he tried too. But there was a fundamental mismatch in who we were as people and in the end, the stress of trying to flog a dead horse nearly killed me.

My life has recovered enough for me to get back to a better place than I was before he came into my life. But it is still lonely. This is a long weekend for me as my son is away till Wednesday with his dad and the feeling of missing someone to be with is a gaping a hole. I have told myself, I only have to live the weekend one moment at a time, not all four days at once.

I know I will get there. I have made through far worse in these 47 years. It still hurts though.

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